Porn is love you can see.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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