I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
