Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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