I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
