I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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