Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
