The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
