May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All I want is dick and wine.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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