I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
