so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
