grandma shit on top of the toilet
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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