please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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