I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize