I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
