Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
