She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i came on her dog
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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