Say something about gay babies.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
