Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
