At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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