Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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