broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
