I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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