Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
