So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
