i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
pray to the hookup gods
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
