fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
