You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
