Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
