He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
