apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize