I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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