Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
