I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize