I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
