Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize