Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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