sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
