Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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