In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
