Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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