just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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