He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
