Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
