If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
