The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize