I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
