you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
