I cannot find my penis.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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