all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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