The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
