Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He did a backflip because drugs
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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