oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
