Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
