I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Terrible idea I love it
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
