we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
