youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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