thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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