just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize