Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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