I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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