just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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