Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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