i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this beer tastes like vomit already
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
