you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
