naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
