Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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