woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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