he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
