I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
