sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
