Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize