Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
