I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
