i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
