i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
