The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
