did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
