I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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