You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Quick, to the slutcave!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
