I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I still have a little drunk in my system
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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