its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
