I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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