it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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