Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
