SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Farmville is her only friend.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
