last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
