you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
