you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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