Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
