It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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