I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
