When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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