Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
All I want is dick and wine.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
