I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
