It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
