i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
