You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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