I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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