so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
