Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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