i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i out mim tonsoeep
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