please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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