Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize