Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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