Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
