Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
