My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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