If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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