Is it because I queefed?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
