The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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