before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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